About you
Your therapy will be the most effective it can be, and you will get the best value for money, when you are paired with the therapist who fits you best.
To be a good fit for me, you are likely to be a Mum, who identifies with feeling more anxiety than you believe you should feel, throughout your life. You probably don't want to pass this fearful way of relating to the world onto your children, but you worry all the time that you are.
You're likely to be a highly sensitive soul and feel your emotions deeply - However, you're also likely to hide this aspect of you often, as you've been reprimanded for being 'too intense' at times in your life, or have felt that your big feelings have not been welcome or supported in many situations.
You are likely to be an excellent carer for others, but constantly worry that you are not doing enough, or not getting it right, in these efforts too. In your caring for others, you tend to push your own needs to the bottom of the pile - you end most days exhausted, and you might be vaguely aware that you've not eaten properly, nor drank enough water, nor have you rested your mind or body, for even a moment, for the whole day. You may even feel heartbroken that motherhood feels as hard as it does for you, which makes you worry that perhaps you were not as cut-out for it as you imagined - Please know, if this is you, you are absolutely not alone with these thoughts and worries.
Maybe your child has some unique physical, or emotional needs, or some unique needs associated with neurodivergence - This will absolutely make your mothering journey harder than you ever imagined it would be, and will increase your anxiety - both about your child's development, and about your role as their mother.
In relationships you often stay silent about your disappointments and frustrations, for fear of 'rocking the boat', and you often find yourself saying 'yes', when really, deep down, you actually would love to say 'no'. When you feel this internal conflict, you reconcile it by telling yourself: 'But I couldn't say 'no', I didn't have a choice really'. You are often keen to please everyone and seek their approval, and to often get their advice on problem solving, so 'rocking the boat' in any way always feels too scary. This means you try to manage all your worries on your own - you ruminate often, with worries swirling around in your mind all day, you find it hard to relax, and you may even be kept awake at night with your anxieties refusing to let you relax enough to sleep.
Despite trying to 'be everything for everyone', you're also likely to have some feminist vibrations running through you - For example, you may frequently find yourself frustrated with the division of labour in your home, and want your partner to pick up more of the load, yet you are unsure how best to broach this with them, or you immediately worry that you're 'asking too much', when you do. You're also very probably trying to raise your daughters to be empowered, and your sons to be respectful of women, but you're not sure you can embody these ideals fully, yourself.
You have read the books & listened to the podcasts - You are hearing that self-care is importnat, that you need to set boundaries, and you need to rest more. But even single time you try to do any of this, you are plagued by guilt, and a sense that you are neglecting what you 'should' be doing, and so you only ever dabble in self-care, or you try to 'buy' self-care that doesn't take too much time - supplements, a bottle of wine, new clothes to make you feel good, bio-hacks, etc. So you end up spending loads of money, and yet never really feeling any more free from stress, anxiety or guilt ... The therapy I provide offers you another way forward - a powerful way forward, towards real self-care, with no guilt.
When we have anxiety, we are also likely to be experiencing any number of additional emotional challenges. So you may also be experiencing any of the following:
-
Social anxiety
-
Health anxiety
-
Panic
-
Death anxiety
-
Depression
-
Rage
-
Stress
-
Overwhelm
-
Self-hatred
-
Low self-confidence
-
Low self-esteem or self-worth
-
A loud inner-critical voice
-
Imposter syndrome
-
Guilt
-
Shame
-
Perfectionism
-
Birth-trauma
-
Breastfeeding trauma,
-
Fertility-related trauma
-
Difficulty bonding with your baby, or child
-
Grief for the loss of the joyful motherhood journey you imagined
-
Difficulties setting boundaries
-
Challenges related to neurodivergence
-
Relationship challenges
-
Challenges in parenting
-
Changes in identity, perhaps from 'woman' to 'mother'
-
Physical health conditions, such as migraines, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, other Auto-immune conditions, or challenges with your menstrual cycle such as PMDD, heightened anxiety/ rage/ inner critic in your premenstrual weeks, etc.
You may also be going through the perimenopause or menopause transition, which often comes with increased anxiety, irritability, rage, a sense of feeling 'lost', relationship changes, identity changes, a feeling that your body is betraying you with seemingly hundreds of random symptoms & ailments, and/or grief - If you're feeling any of this, you are absolutely not alone. The dominant narrative in our society is that our menopause transition starts near to the age of 50, and comes with irregular periods and hot flashes - this is entirely unhelpful and misleading, because our hormones actually start to make shifts towards menopause from the age of 35, on average, and our 40s can be filled with physical & emotional symptoms associated with fluctuating hormones, which are then often misdiagnosed by ill-informed medical doctors.
You're also likely to not be looking for me to 'fix you', by providing a 'quick fix' or a 'life hack' for your anxiety - you are instead likely to appreciate that meaningful change to our mental health comes through commitment & many small changes, made over time. Perhaps you've had some short-term therapy in the past, and found it helpful to a degree, but have found your anxiety has heightened again in motherhood and/or perimenopause (this is so incredibly common, please know you are not alone) - So you are now feeling ready to truly invest the time and money into some deeper self-exploration, and your resulting longer-term wellbeing. Perhaps you've read all the books, and listened to all the podcasts, and are realising that you cannot seem to get rid of this anxiety entirely on your own - this is hard to admit, but ultimately you are ready to ask for, and accept, some help on your healing journey.
You are also likely to have some level of safety, comfort & privilege - Your unique constellation of privilege may look different to mine, of course, and I welcome enquires from people of all cultural, racial, and socioeconomic backgrounds, as well as from people of all ability-levels, sexual preference or gender identity. And it is important to note that to engage in effective therapy with me you will need some relational safety, financial & time privilege at this point in your life, such as some close relationships that feel safe & supportive, financial security and flexible-enough time week-to-week, to consistently & reliably invest in your therapy.
You also should not be in crisis at this time of your life, if you are considering working with me. You are, of course, likely to be struggling emotionally, but you also will have currently a safe & stable housing situation, and a safe & stable support network of friends and/or family. I do not offer therapy to people who are currently experiencing any risk of self-harm, or abuse, or violence from others (verbally or physically) - Currently living in safety & relative stability is a prerequisite for undergoing therapy with me.
I am also not able to work with families who are currently receiving support from social services, under either a Child in Need or Child Protection Plan. And I cannot adequately offer the proper support to anyone with a diagnosis of psychosis, personality disorders, eating disorders, or substance misuse as I have very limited experience in these areas. I also do not offer any psychological reports for legal proceedings, e.g. in the case of divorce.
If you are struggling in ways that I cannot support you with, please know that I wholeheartedly wish for you to receive the support you absolutely deserve and need, and I am sincerely sorry that I cannot provide it myself. Please speak to your GP for support & signposting in the first instance, or go to A&E if you are in crisis. You can also phone the National Domestic Abuse Hotline (freephone), if this is relevant to you, on 0808 2000 247.